Wednesday, September 8, 2010

HENRY STICKPIN BOOKNOODLE

My brother, Henry Stickpin Booknoodle, is an author, also set loose in time (It seems that if one member of a family is so released from the strictures of time, then other family members are also thus affected). Henry appears at my abode every once in a while, when our temporal dimensions happen to coincide.

Although an author of some considerable output, Henry does not share my enthusiasm for the book game. He disdains collecting. He considers such things as decorated bindings mere frippery, and insists that all his books be bound in a simple 1/4 cloth on board with lettering in black, on the spine only. In fact he so detests the whole phenomenon of First Edition Collecting that he insists that his publisher imprint Third Edition on all printings his books, whether it is the first printing or second. It tickles his fancy to think of frustrated collectors searching in vain for the scarce First Editions of his books.

I tried pointing out to him that an author's works must first be considered desirable by collectors before they will search out any edition of that author's work.

Henry's main opus is a massive ... nay, gargantuan novel in five volumes - not sequels, he insists, but a cohesive whole. The five volumes are titled individually, Telemachus Cogitatus, Telemachus Precipitus, Telemachus Conjuratus, Telemachus Liberatus, and Telemachus Infinitum.

Despite his public disdain for collecting and all things collected, Henry cannot help but think that his massive 20,046 page, five volume novel would, of course, be collected ... and prized. He considers it a masterpiece.

Indeed it may well be. The collecting jury is still out.

I ignore Henry's poor use of Latin. I have indeed read the entire five volumes, in manuscript .

Henry refers to his opus as Telemachus Completus ... I think of his opus as Telemachus Pentamental. When in a more exasperated mood, I think of his massive pile as Telemachus Concursus.

It was the read ad terminus per astera per annuum.

Definitely it is a book that goes on ad infinitum.

I am making a request here for any persons (if such should exist) who have read all or any part of Henry Booknoodle's massive Telemachus Completus, to write in and make commentary. I shall read these with interest, and pass on to Henry all comments that refrain from mean-spirited invective.

Photobucket

HENRY STICKPIN BOOKNOODLE,
Professor Booknoodle's Brother

Henry Stickpin Booknoodle, A>P> (Author Proliferous)

Someone inquired as to the possibility of purchasing my brother's opus. A bookshop on the dark side of the moon, The Terminus Bookery, which of course exists only in a future mode, might have the Complete Telemachus;  in 2231 AD the entire novel was reprinted on antique paper and bound in real woven cloth taken from once-living plants, causing a small furor in the literary world .... and as well instigating a demonstration by PETA for the use of a Vegetal Entity (V.E.) in the construction of the volumes. As well as PETA, S.A.U.P.O. (The Society Against the Use of Physical Objects) joined in the protest. Become displaced in time and you, too, may well be able to witness this seminal event.

2 comments:

Laura said...

Haven't yet read the opus, but I'll be looking for that "third edition" in my local used bookstore and online. Might Collectors Book Market (www.collectorsbookmarket.com) have a copy?

Professor Booknoodle said...

A bookshop on the dark side of the moon, The Terminus Bookery, which of course exists only in a future mode, might have the complete Telemachus, in 2231 AD the entire novel was reprinted on antique paper and bound in real woven cloth taken from once live plants, causing a small furor in the literary world (and as well instigating a demonstration by PETA for the use of a vegetal entity in the construction of the volumes. As well as PETA, S.A.U.P.O. - The Society Against the Use of Physical Objects joined in the protest.) Become displaced in time and you may well be able to witness this event.